on the virtues of crowd surfing

[adrianem]

It occurs to me to explain; a thing I rarely do. My life does not suck. My family is wonderful, I have a roof and plenty of food. The basics are covered, for now, mostly. Yes, there is lots of stress where things are not as bountiful as would make life well, not stressful.

But my biggest problems are haunting me from my past. When I went through some physiologically and emotionally harsh fertility treatments, for two years, and in the middle of that got laid off, along with the wusband (thanks randir!), then got divorced within 6 months of stopping the trying to get preggers... I think most can see where I am heading with this.

That kind of systemic and systematic loss is fairly catastrophic to one's mental health. I got over it, but am left with a much diminished ability to handle stress. As I am now discovering, extreme stress is just right out. I can't cope.

So here is me, on the raggedy edge. I am blessed, for I know, bone deep, that my friends and family love me and will not let me fall. I just have to learn to ask for the catching.

Comments

[chainsawraven.livejournal.com]

As hard as things were on you, when I met you you were doing what you needed to move forward and were even strong enough to allow me into your life. You survived me lady, don't ever forget that is a testament to your personal strength!

:D

[kareina.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I'm glad you've got that support network in place, and wish you much luck continuing to get to a place where stress doesn't feel overwhelming.

[random-girl.livejournal.com]

Just to let you know: while it takes a long time, you do eventually get better at dealing with a lot of stress. What you'll find, though, is the things you used to do to deal with that stress no longer work. So poke around and try to find new ways. I speak as a person who came out of a two year abusive relationship (eight months in is when he held friends and families hostage to me so I could not escape). I did not undergo fertility treatments, which can really muck with your capacity to think, but being in survival mode for over a year can be a little harsh on the brain chemicals.

I know you, and I know you'll get through this. You're amazingly strong in a very quiet and sweet way.

[sharon-masters.livejournal.com]

This post is so ...wonderful to read-- i wish i could just repost it whole hog- yes, i too feel that i have a much diminished capacity for many things...
and that i love the friends i have.
XXXOOO

[cooperati.livejournal.com]

your experience, in terms of your job, at least but not only, are similar to mine. when i lost my job last year, it ripped me up waaaay more than i was willing to admit, or realized.

right now i'm at a place that's just beginning to get in the direction of normal, and that's because i am now just getting aware of what happened to me. (I got very sensitive to any criticism, like so overreacting upset. It's a natural response to an extreme sense of insecurity, especially after losing two more short term jobs after the big one. In extended circumstances, I don't simply shut down, I tragically shut down.)

it really came to the fore that i am different because of something when i learned to ask some people just to help "talk e down off the roof.", so to speak, though i literally used those words, if only metaphorically.

this was because i had a group of patient people already supporting me, rooting for me, letting me show my hopes and being interested in what happened from then on.

No, our lives do not suck, but we feel this sometimes, and sometimes too much. But, as a short term cure perspective, I'm betting you have that kind of support too, and I must applaud you all for keeping your hopes up, though any adversity. We may not recover as much or as fastly, but we do heal given time and love.

Still rooting for you,

-=T=-

(thank you for helping me, once upon time.)