Hard truths

This quarter has not been going well. Not scholastically, not financially, not health-wise. My reality is that I am just short of having enough of any one of the needed resources to be able to manage and fix my situation. It is what it is. And I will get through this. But for now, I have to make some (even more) drastic changes. The only social commitment I can keep is being Rose's engagement and wedding photographer, including the planning days that go into making that happen. Everything else is off. Well, except for Gomez. Cuz that happens right after finals and I already have my ticket.

on the virtues of crowd surfing

It occurs to me to explain; a thing I rarely do. My life does not suck. My family is wonderful, I have a roof and plenty of food. The basics are covered, for now, mostly. Yes, there is lots of stress where things are not as bountiful as would make life well, not stressful.

But my biggest problems are haunting me from my past. When I went through some physiologically and emotionally harsh fertility treatments, for two years, and in the middle of that got laid off, along with the wusband (thanks randir!), then got divorced within 6 months of stopping the trying to get preggers... I think most can see where I am heading with this.

That kind of systemic and systematic loss is fairly catastrophic to one's mental health. I got over it, but am left with a much diminished ability to handle stress. As I am now discovering, extreme stress is just right out. I can't cope.

So here is me, on the raggedy edge. I am blessed, for I know, bone deep, that my friends and family love me and will not let me fall. I just have to learn to ask for the catching.